But I really do feel hopeful. I feel like maybe something is possible for me.

I know that I am not as normal as other people, or maybe as stable, or even maybe as adaptable as other people... but one thing I do know is I have a drive to be something in life. Something important to me..

I love my boyfriend and he loves me but sometimes I feel like the people around us don't understand us. We look on the surface to be sort of opposites but really we are the same.

It sounds shitty to even have to justify us by saying ANYTHING at all but sometimes I NEED to explain.

Before him, I always wanted to move on. I always felt like there was something else that was destined to be mine. But now, I just feel like I am settled and I am loved. I want to move in with him and we have planned it. I just need a job, because I can't be the type of girl who just lets him pay for everything... as some people thing that he can or should. Bullshit. I want it to be even and I know it will.

Sometimes I just get so sick at some people's "idea" of what a good long lasting relationship should be.... its not that they DO everything for you, its that they are there when you need them to do something for you. And the luck and convienience, dare I say, of not even having to ask them to do nice things for you. They just do. But I think it works both ways... you both have to be willing to do things with no "pay back" just love in return.

After all the shit I have been through, I know that he is the one for me. And I protect him with everything I can. I love him and I love my friends who believe in me and all I can do.

Hopefully I will get a day job soon and then I can start saving for a better life. Not that money can buy happiness because it really can't but it can make reality a little easier to take.

Now, I must go because I kinda feel sick.

I love you all as always.

-LMB