Some people say that change is good; some people fear it like a plague.

I don't know what I think really.

Change has always made me very nervous. Now, this can be both a good and a bad thing.

I always want change, but when it comes time to make it or when it spontaneously happens to me, the same always happens.

I get physically ill.

As some of you may or may not know,  I started a new job at the end of last week... (ugh even typing that brings a little bit of bad nerves to my body). Its a good job, not incredibly taxing on me, even though, it is busy so, I'm not short on things to do while I am there.

But since I got the job on Weds afternoon... Until Saturday morning or so... i could not sleep or eat and was having bad panic attacks. I'm not exactly sure what it was from... I mean, It could have been from starting something completely new in my life, the fear of going a different route on public transportation that I am not familiar with. Or maybe just that this job is WAY different than any other job I have had. See, I think I actually have responsibility, and ... a good pay increase...

Although it isn't a dream job or anything, it is good and a step in the right direction.

Its funny how one hard decision leads to other decisions.. as many of you may or may not know, at 28,  I do not know how to drive or have a driver's license. Well, I have decided to learn how to drive within the next 6 months or so. I have got the book to begin studying.

If anyone has any tips or anything for me about that. Let me know!

I realize through my stress this past week that I can live through alot and I have.

Although the damage of my past sometimes does get me down and limit me, it is good to know that I can pull myself out of the wreckage and it has all made me a better person.

I cannot thank my family enough for staying up with me the past few nights. I really needed them and they were there.

And to John whom I love more than life itself for sleeping with me these past few nights so I could actually sleep soundly and not toss and turn like I did the nights he was not there.

Thank you to all my friends who talked to me with understanding about everything, mainly Rosa, Angie, Jay, and Rob for telling me it was all going to be ok, leting me change plans a little bit with them, giving me good advice, and making me believe it. I love you all, truely from the bottom of my heart. You're the best friends a person could ever have.

Job or no job. Friends, family, and passion is what truely matters in life.

Or at least so I've learned...

-LMB